Funny Status Messages

   Random Person: "It's hard to to get people to unfollow me on Twitter." Kayne West: "Hold my beer.".

   Kim: Honey, I haven’t heard your name in the news for over a week! Quick, say or do something stupid! Kanye: Hold my beer...

   Hi ho hi ho off to jail Bill goes

   4/26 Happy 48th birthday Melania

   My wife is losing it, she told me she was seeing someone behind my back. But when I turn around there wasn't anyone there.

   They pudding Bill Cosby in prison

   Mrs. Huxtable is not gonna be pleased.

   hey! hey! hey! - Bill Cosby after spiking a woman's drink.

   I bet Batman’s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he’s willing to admit.

   Ostriches can’t fly, but mostly because they can’t figure out airline luggage rules.

   I get paid to be nice to people at work. Why does everybody expect me to do it for free on my own time?

   Just once I would like to cross my I's and dot my T's

   Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson just had a baby girl and did not name her 'Pebble.'

   I have learned to protect myself against identity theft by keeping a low credit score and no money.

   Some young millennial social justice warrior told me I need to check my white privilege. OK. I checked. I'm white and feel privileged to be so. I'm done here.

   There's a reason why Kayne West is broke.

   When I first heard of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' I initially thought it was supposed to be a Star Trek show about the Klingon rivals...

   Most of you believe that this is April. It’s actually the 114th of January.

   Having one child makes you a parent. Having two a referee

   Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.