SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice.

   These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.

   Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can get by with what is left.

   Insomnia causes questionable browser history.

   It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme.

   The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.

   I just accidentally mixed 'I cant believe its not butter' with my regluar butter...now I dont know what to believe.

   Once you get to be older, "friends with benefits" just means your partner has a solid 401k and a kick a$$ dental plan.

   Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.

   It' s impossible to sneak Oreos out of this loud & sticky package they're in. Damn you Nabisco!!

   I'm curious how many of you are Austrian boys. Show of Hans?

   why are most king-size comforters so ugly? My bed is not an obese woman in need of a flowered, polyester muumuu.

   Time heals everything... except a stupid tattoo.

   There is NO WAY that Bert and Ernie are gay. They haven't changed their outfits in 25 years.

   Iowa state fair is selling a fried stick of butter. Glad to see you guys are still pro life.

   To steal from one is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

   You know it's going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”

   I see you're playing stupid. Looks like you're winning too.

   Watch out! It's quite possible some of my best mistakes haven't been made yet.

   After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world.