Funny Status Messages

   They say it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. After years of marriage, I find it's bad luck after the wedding as well.

   I cut the swooshes of my nike socks and sold them to my neighbours wife to use as eyebrows.

   To coup or not to coup may one day be the question.

   When your lawyer's, lawyer needs a lawyer. You know things must be bad.

   If the B in LGTB stands for Bi doesn't that mean there are only two genders?

   Sorry to announce my pet mouse 'Elvis' has just died!..he was caught in a trap!

   My Girlfriend said she's leaving in the morning because of my "Wham" obsession! I replied... "wake me up before you go go"

   For the ladies that cook bacon in a microwave you aint gone never have a man...

   POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: "So he was medium build, grey hair, grey eyes, grey tie, a grey suit and grey shoes?" DOG: "Correct"

   There's nothing to FEAR, but the book FEAR itself

   When my mother in-law said she wants to be creamated. I immediatley made her an appointment for next week.

   Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him!

   The I before E except after C rule has been disproven by science.

   I asked my friends, "Are you Ok?" and they replied, "Yes, especially if you give us half of your money."

   What I if told you, you read that first part wrong?

   Life is short. If you can't laugh at yourself, call me, then I will.

   It's not so much that I love karate as that I hate wooden - planks!

   I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.

   If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.

   An average person farts 13 times a day......... finally!! I'm above average at something.