Funny Status Messages

   My dog is one of those trained to sniff drugs!..he's brilliant and can even roll up his own $20 bill.

   If I'm ever on life support, unplug me..... then plug me back in. See if that works.

   I just found out that сосk fighting is done with chickens? That's 12 months of training gone to waste!

   My last real fight was with a pizza box that wouldn't close.

   What do you call a ghost bee? ...... A boo bee.

   I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike bar, but I would do some sketchy stuff for some coffee.

   "Shrekticles" because, you know....

   How can you fill up a room with people without putting a single person in it? .......

   Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything

   Chicken Pot Pie: my 3 favorite things.

   Place an order with an energy saving catalogue co. for an economy efficient hair dryer. What I received was a bath towel.

   Altzheimer's Centre prepares for a party to remember!

   The only good thing about inflation. It allows you to live in a more expensive neighborhood without having to move.

   There's an easy way to convert your sofa into a sofabed...... Forget the wife's birthday.

   "Flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing. Boy did I learn that one the hard way.

   Mama Cass Elliot would have turned 77 today. In fact, if she had shared that sandwich with Karen Carpenter they both might still be alive.

   No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.

   Lobster tail and beer are three of my favorite things!

   I really didn't need to know that Toad thing from Mario Kart.

   My wife and I have doggie style sex. I sit up and beg for it. And she rolls over and plays dead.