bego Funny Status Messages

   I dont drink these days. I am Allergic to alcohol and Narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.

   Some of you ask me how I spend my valentines day: Naked, on the floor with a bottle of liquor in my hand, Screaming Adele songs to my cat.

   Happy unimaginative, consumerist-oriented and entirely arbitrary, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance day.

   A 15 year-old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.

   Yo Bi%ch, you hate your parents so much that you have to post it on Facebook. Orphans cry hearts out to have such loving and caring parents. Love your Parents.

   This hahaha guy just ignore him and dont rate his post he will be b gone. Trust me

   Yesterday I went to see a shrink about my Facebook addiction, everything was going smoothly and I was on the road to recovery until he asked me, What's on your mind? Damn it

   We can't help but to start liking the girls that become our good friends. Too hard to find girls that just like to have fun these days.

   Parents have no idea what it's like to be a teenager in our generation…

   Since Kanye wants to write a song named 'I Am God' I wanna see him bring his dead mother back to life again.

   Fri(end) Girlfri(end) Boyfri(end) Br(forever)o

   f people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?

   I think Oprah should marry Deepak Choprah and take his last name.

   I can party much longer than my cell phone battery.

   Wishing the amazing Olympic athletes from around the world the best of luck in Sochi (finding drinking water and toilets).

   Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, Dead

   When Rihanna first started singing she was like yee mista dj song pon de replay, now she's like f*ck me with a shovel and slap my ti%ties

   “cannot connect to network. try resetting your wireless router” umm ok but what if my router is in my neighbor’s house? Should I call him?

   Why isn’t the movie ‘What Women Want’ just 90 minutes of Ryan Gosling doing an ab workout on a pile of Nutella and money?

   I’m going to Hell. Anybody want anything?