Funny Status Messages

   I got gas for $2 a gallon which was cheaper than getting it at Taco Bell.

   I still don't know why Microsoft put a talking paper clip in Microsoft Office instead of a talking ink pen they could call your "pen pal"

   Forget the wall Trump wants us to pay for. WTF is he doing about Nickleback?

   Euthanasia is OK, but most people can live without it.

   A 99-year-old guy and his 96-year-old wife getting divorced. They never got along and people kept saying, “Why did you wait so long to get a divorce?” And they said, “We want to wait until the kids were dead.”

   A new study found that ESP could actually be real. I read about it in tomorrow’s paper.

   How long do you have to be ignorant before you start experiencing bliss ?

   I started a support group for men with erectile dysfuntion. It was a flop and nobody came.

   Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you never go back" episode of Mythbusters.

   CNN BREAKING NEWS: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released..

   Build the wall out of solar panels. Make God pay for it.

   I prefer a woman to not have six pack abs. I also prefer a woman to not prefer that I have them either.

   Apparently bumblebees don't want you to pet them.

   Sure hope this episode of “Celebrity President” ends soon.

   The best way to open a Capri Sun is with a bullet.

   Marriage tip #39 your wife won't start an argument with you if you're cleaning

   Someone on my fb just posted they had just backed synonym buns. I replied, you mean the ones grammar use to make? Now I'm blocked

   I always confuse actresses Meryl Streep and Glenn Close. They both look like men but only one has the appropriate first name.

   Quick! While the Government is shut down, let's create a new one.

   You can never go wrong with medieval technology.