Funny Status Messages

   Roses are Red, They go in a Bucket, They cost 60 dollars So you'd better...

   Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve? For thou art a Douche.

   Happy Alentine's Ay for those of you not getting the V or the D today!

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I need a valentine, how about you?

   Back in the day, kids drank and smoked pot behind their parents back, now they get vaccinated...

   Think I'm going to ride a cow to work tomorrow .. trigger sum folks

   I don't think I'll have the confidence in someone closing up our border when that person can't close an umbrella properly.

   Rich guy: I should be paying higher taxes. Also rich guy: has a team of accountants find every possible deduction to reduce taxes...

   Just helping someone find the chocolates I ate yesterday!

   The best sign of a happy loving relationship between two people on Valentine's Day is no sign of it all on Facebook.

   Q:How many games have the Kentucky Wildcats lost in their history? A: None... but they've been cheated out of a lot

   I wish I had as much closet space as people in horror movies.

   it true atheist children lie down and make snow corpses

   Next time you visit someone with Alexa. "Alexa set 3am alarm with horror movie sounds."

   Tough Monday today so I consulted my spirit guide. He led me right to the Vodka. Total Mind Reader!!!

   Was gonna make a subtle joke about the Rueben I got at a deli the other day but I'm not sure everyone would appreciate the rye humor.

   Some of you ladies have more inches of snow outside than your man has in his pants.

   I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator!

   Just discovered that spilling hot coffee in your lap wakes you up faster then drinking it.

   I thought the internet was originally created to save time. So what happened?