Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "never on schedule, but always on time."

   doing the truffle shuffle

   "not the issue here, Dude."

   200 degrees (that's why they call him Mr. Fahrenheit [he's traveling at the speed of light]).

   carbon based.

   an unlicensed helicopter pilot.

   known to cause cancer in the state of California

   chillin like a villain.

   making friends and influencing people

   trapped in the Facebook status message textbox; send help!

   taking over the world

   the next contestant on The Price Is Right!

   not the droid you're looking for.

   harvesting paperclips from work

   an office zombie: Bored to undeath

   "has changed their status to ""drinking beer in the shower."" 9:03am"

   dividing by zero!

   engineering the electricals.