Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the answer

   can now be brought to you in HD.

   trying to stop being indecisive, but is not sure about it...

   wondering why his daughter's diaper holds no where near the 22-37 pounds it promises.

   38 years old and still doesn't need glasses . . . I just drink straight out of the bottle!

   regrets to inform you that due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

   the reason for global warming

   the reason Waldo is hiding

   in a relationship with Jack Daniel's.

   busy Saving Humanity from the Evil Decepticons

   not interest in Greys Anatomy, thank you...

   dreams of the day a chicken can cross the road without having his motives questioned...

   blowing stuff up with his mind....

   being chased by a hungry pack of wild poodles!

   only shoplifting discount stores, because jail sentences are based on cost of goods stolen.

   One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

   as much authority as the Pope, he just doesn't have as many people who believe it

   hosting a time travel seminar, the first meeting is last week.......

   To catch me, you gotta be fast; to find me, you gotta be smart; but to BE ME!! DAMN! You must be kidding!