Funny Status Messages

   allowed to talk about fight club

   doesnt skinny dip...i chunky dunk

   chopping wood for the electric fireplace

   has decided that when I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

   wondering why retarded people are blissful

   busy fighting all her other personalities Crazy, Neurotic, and Shy on who gets to write the status message today….to be continued

   watching 'Earth Hour' simultaneously Online and on Television... It's kinda Dark... :/

   didn't go to highschool, he went to school high

   he often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

   met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.

   looking to buy a decaf coffee table.

   took the "What color are you?" quiz and the result is: Plaid

   Same Great Taste 40% Fewer Calories, 30% Less Fat.

   A Good Source Of Calcium.

   doesn't have a microwave oven but he does have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff

   's friend was hit by a Dodge, which he/she found both funny and ironic.

   thinks nothing is better than pooing at work...you're getting paid to poo!

   not even supposed to be here today

   training for his fight with Apollo Creed

   Jumped up for no apparent reason. Have not returned to the ground yet.