Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   will be giving a live performance today...shower curtain goes up at 5 exactly so be there.

   in another castle:(sorry mario.)

   trying to convince the parents she is a responsible adult. So far it isn't an easy ride.

   on the limits of not going so well

   was denied adoption of a baby boy from Malawi =(

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

   just plain lucky *

   says, "If you want something in life, you have to work hard for it... Now shut up! They're about to announce the winning lottery numbers!"

   has learned a lot from dogs: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down (I've really only applied the last to my life, however)

   taking the "What color are you?" quiz and the result is: Who gives a Toss!!!!

   going around the house and renaming things so they all start with an "i" before Apple does it... such as his iToaster, his iToilet, and his iKids and iWife

   thinks when life hands me lemons, I think Great, more stuff to throw at the Raccoon that lives in my attic!

   saving a lot on his car insurance by fleeing the seen of the accident

   ROTFLMAOASTC

   hungry as a hostage

   would give her right arm to be ambidextrous

   has found her favorite machine at the gym it's the vending machine!

   a serial status changer....

   now available with a bonus DVD; containing deleted scenes and 2 theatrical trailers

   a Great source of Protein