Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "another Celebrity just went KABOOM!". Will tell you who it is for just $19.95, here's how to order.

   says if silence is golden, then no more Billy Mays is priceless.

   ate 3.14159265358979323846ths of a pi

   I'm not opinionated, you're just always wrong!

   wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit

   taking life with a pinch of Salt...with a slice of lemon...and a shot of Tequlia!!!

   thinks a clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

   doesn't suffer from insanity... he enjoys every minute of it.

   if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCALATOR = EVERLASTING FUN

   Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

   doesn't use no double negatives.

   answers Bob Dylan's question: "How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?" The answer is 14! Now get a job you freaking hippie!!!

   "Shut up facebook.I'm trying to do my homework,"

   Well in happier news....Abe Vigoda is still alive!!

   Imagine if the Amish had Facebook and played Mafia wars it would go sumtin like this ...."You were attacked by Don Yoder he has beaten you with A hoe, 3 horse n buggies, 6 bonnets, 3 aprons and a goat taking 1 energy and built you a chair!!!!!"

   knows when Farrah got to heaven, God asked her if she had any last wishes. She said she wanted all of the children of the world to be safe. So God killed Michael Jackson.

   the doctor looked at it his watch for Michael's time of death. The big hand was touching the little hand.

   Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!

   I heard Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning... Apparently they found some 12 year old nuts in his mouth.

   Thinks that since Michael Jackson was 90% plastic, they should melt him down and turn him into Legos so little kids can play with him for a change.