Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never here the end of it

   just lost my job at the Orange Juice factory...I couldn't concentrate

   typed this with her toes.

   Drugs may lead to nowhere but at least it's the scenic route.

   24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence? I think not.

   wondering if Chris Brown releases a "greates hits" cd.....will that violate his probation????

   The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards.

   would call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.

   never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

   just been sworn in as the "new" King of Pop.

   I came...I saw....I decided to order take out !

   Yesterday the house was clean, sorry you missed it.

   Shake the family tree...and watch the nuts fall !!

   Employees caught speaking Spanish will be paid in Pesos.

   I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standard

   a Person In Management Position (PIMP)

   wonders why is it that when a man talks nasty to a woman it's harassment, but when a woman talks nasty to a man it's £3.99 a minute

   If twitter went away, would anyone care?

   unique just like everyone in here!

   going to read your status updates through a kaleidoscope... it's more fun that way.