Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I told his wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked him in the cellar

   think that if there wasnt a last minute she wouldnt get anything done

   says learning Linux isn't just easy, it's fun, too! Actual shell commands: "unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; umount; sleep"... ahhh the subtle beauty of UNIX.

   arm wrestling the KOOL-AID guy...he's strong! He must be drinking MILK!

   things could be worse ya know....Sex COULD be fattening!

   .....Squirrels: Nature's Little Speed Bumps!

   wondering what would happen if he wrote, "For Marijuana" in the memo field of all his checks? ...

   if NFL doesn't want Michael Vick back....my local animal shelter is looking for a pooper scooper!

   if you die in a elevator....press the UP button!

   wonders if a guy stands up in church to disagree with the priest...is he called a mass debator?

   This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.

   Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.

   like superman just without the cape

   thinks that the song 'Take You Down' by Chris Brown was actually a message to Rihanna.

   never a follower......that's what 'Twits' are for.

   reckons he was baptized in LSD.

   Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

   Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

   Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark

   thinking the sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette