Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ..muscles needed to make your face frown when someone is a moron to you-42. Muscles needed to extend arm and slap said person-4. You do the math...

   thinks Dennis Leary said it best...."Ted Kennedy, great Senator, but a bad date!"

   Welcome to Utah - Set your watch back 20 years.

   Once you have seen a woman naked... You pretty much want to see the rest of then naked.

   here, reminding all of you, obey gravity, it's the law.

   if I had to comment your status with "What happened?" and you reply "I don't even want to talk about it...", do you think maybe you should have kept it to yourself?

   hates it when you ask someone "How was your day?" and all they say is "good, and yours?" Thank you for summing up your day with just one word. Way to be detailed.

   recommending a Magic 8 Ball for times when Obama has no teleprompter.

   when it comes down to it, it's the little thongs in life that makes it all worthwhile...

   in the studio with Chris Brown making new 'beats' for his album.

   Real Men of Genius.Today we salute you Mr.Compulsive Status Update Checker.People are out actually having fun, your stuck reading about it on a screen. One click instant "mafia and farmville" updates to live vicariously through, friends you... haven't see

   counting the number of friends who remind him that it's Friday.

   NOTADDICTEDTOTHOSEENERGYDRINKS!!!!

   kissed a girl and I liked it. She, on the other hand; filed a restraining order.

   anti-obama before it was cool

   went to Facebook and all I got was this stupid status message.

   I bought a cabin on a lake.... but there are signs all over my side of the lake saying "NO WAKE ZONE"...... now I am afraid to go to sleep.

   Don't count the seconds... Make every second count...

   gave up drinking and smoking... Worst ten minutes of my life.

   jumping out the window, who's with me?