Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   hasn't spoken to bigfoot in a while.

   Yes I know it's 09/09/09 I don't need 100 text messages letting me know. I have a calendar!

   wondering if the last one out could possibly switch off the light at the end of the tunnel?

   just heard about the scientist that wants to rename the planet Uranus because it's rude. It's true, Google it! I reckon that's a damn good idea...let's call it Urectum instead.

   Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life

   Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

   thinks this Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

   "Doh!, the stuff that buys me beer, Ray, the guy who sells me beer, Me, the one who drinks the beer.Far, a long run to get beer, So, I'll have another beer, La, I'll have another beer, Tea, no thanks I'm drinking beer and that's why I'm not here! "

   loves how obama gives a speech to kids about the importance of school while 3/4 of the kids in the country are IN school

   thinks the newest version of the game "Monopoly" should come with a government bail-out option....

   Was up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me

   100% positive that he isn't sure!

   just spit out his stride gum.

   stop the bus let my friend jack off...

   Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I cannot fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.

   Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

   not lazy, he's just phsycially conservative.

   santa's overated.

   thinks DJ AM should have been buried in the morning......just sayin'