Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

   I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die

   Traffic is moving pretty fast today, so I've decided to stop in the center lane open the hood and bring things back to normal. YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!

   also known as H1N1

   ended her relationship with Kanye West...

   ...so, is it to soon to ask Whoopi Goldberg if she's heard from Patrick Swayze yet?

   feeling a little off today, anyone want to turn me on?

   This is a test of the facebook emergency notification system. Had this been an actual emergency, the entire message would have been in capital letters and you would have been directed to post this as your status message immediately. This is only a test.

   I couldn't sleep last night! He wouldn't leave me alone, I told him to stop I wasn't in the mood. He wouldn't listen he began exploring my body...I woke up with mosquito bites all over. I guess he couldn't get enough of me!

   such an adrenaline junky that when I see a 'caution wet floor sign' I walk faster

   wants money for nothing and the chicks for free.

   had a GREAT FB status but Kanye West interrupted me...

   gonna go stand outside. So when someone asks where I am you can tell them.. They're outstanding

   thinking about how Kanye could be so Heartless!

   coffee because I grind so fine

   thinks we have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

   One tectonic plate bumped into another and said....."Sorry, my fault"

   I don't know about you, but I'm sick of seeing disabled people being pushed around...

   SUPERBAD and McLOVIN every minute of it.

   should shout "You Lie!" in church just to see what happens...