Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks it would really help Jennifer Anniston's career if she would star in a few romantic comedies.

   reminds you that people will believe anything if it's whispered.

   saw Mike Tyson at the airport, I thought about going over to talk to him but I was concerned he would just take an earful and then leave.............

   remembers when "google" was a word used to describe the eyes on pom-pom critters back in grade school!

   life is like the Mets I just can't win

   running dangerously low on cheetos

   Wishes life was like a Nintendo game, if you had a problem you just take it out and blow on it. And everything would be fine

   We were strangers when we met, now were even stranger!!

   if you ever feel bad or depressed, just remember you were once the fastest most victorious sperm in the bunch!!

   money cant by harmony and happiness, but I can buy rum!!

   wonders why men never want to play with the baby, just the box it came in!

   thinks it's funny that "LOL" has gone from meaning "Laugh Out Loud" to "I have Nothing Else To Say"

   thinking that going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug.

   This account has been suspended and is under review for violations of the Facebook Terms of Service (TOS). To review the TOS for yourself, please feel free to click the Terms link at the bottom of each page. Inbox items and well feed posts will be visible

   gunna dress up as kanye west for halloween and go around telling people " ima letchu get back to trick or treatin in a minute but, barrack obamas daughters have the best halloween costumes of all time, of all time!!!"

   "If the invisible man knocks on the door, tell him I can't see him at the moment."

   wondering if its cool for people in China to get English word tattooes.

   just won the Australian lottery! I'll be a millionaire just as soon as I pay this $795 processing fee... Suckahs!!!

   the people sitting around me should all be wearing helmets

   why is it that whenever there's two women in a profile pic the hot one is always someone else..?