Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just because you have one doesnt mean you have to act like one

   as cool as a winter breeze over a cucumber garden.

   a goal without a plan is just a wish.

   true friends stab you in the front.

   transferred organic stickers from the apples & put them on the Oreo packages in the grocery store to make them healthier. They're on me. Enjoy!

   run out of pictures to colour in, in my colouring in book... I guess that is enough work for a Friday...

   just realized if you take a glow stick and tie a piece of dental floss on the end , it looks like a radioactive tampon! Or what my ex girlfriend's might look like now!

   gonna party like it's 1929.

   When someone is waiting for you to leave so they can take your parking spot: 1) Pretent to turn key. 2) Exit car. 3) Open hood and look frustrated.

   cant believe its not butter

   suddenly has an urge to go for a balloon ride over Colorado.

   What have a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken got in common, By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have is a Hot Stinky Box to throw your bone in.

   in the balloon. It was supposed to be a secret mission.

   certaintly.. not in a balloon at this moment

   Some call it Murder....I call it Annulment by Vacation on a Cruise ship......

   my blond sister jus texted me and asked what does "idk" stand for? I said I dont know. she said OMG! nobody does!

   the coolest thing to hit the street since ice

   wishes I could measure how much of my life has passed me by while I played with my iPhone. . . Maybe there's an app for that.

   wonders why people think squirrels are cute. They are after all, a rodent like a rat except they have a fuzzy tale.

   Due to an increasing number of terrified friends, I'm going to have to change my profile picture !!!