Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering why people think bartenders care about your misrable life. We dont! Now leave some cash and be on your way!

   's dad asked him for a balloon ride, but he said "No, I don't wanna be a hoax"

   thinks people should stop dreaming about Happily Ever After and be Happy Just Now. Forever ~ ✿ ♬ ☮

   Some days I'm not sure whether I am a Catholic or an angry Protestant!

   Synonym - a word one uses when you can't spell the other one!

   Dr, Seuss is my favorite rapper! Cat - Hat....sheer genius!

   refuses to vacuum anymore until they make a ride-on

   a four time olympic gold medal winner, and a compulsive liar

   walking sideways and thinking..... I should have had a V8

   Breaking news - snow white has been thrown out of Disneyland after sitting on Pinocchio's face singing "tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies"

   trying to decide whether Scooby Snacks or a can of Popeye's spinach would help more in a fight

   needs a new fitness plan... LMAO is not making my pants fit any better

   You have the right to remain silent, because whatever you say will probally be stupid !!

   was born in the state of confusion and is living in denial.

   the first 100 years of marriage are the hardest

   I'm not perfect but parts of me are excellant!

   says "If Heat Rises, Surely Heaven is Hotter Than Hell"

   was considering an all-vegetarian diet but it turns out you are not allowed to hunt vegetarians

   If you can read this, you need to stop stalking me on facebook

   ☆:*´¨`*twinkle twinkle little star...point me to the nearest bar ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`*:.☆