Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sick of all the iPhone ads? There's an app for that.

   iAm so tired of hearing about stupid iPhone apps...

   pre drinking for new years

   the journey of one thousand miles begins with a single cup of coffee

   has an app for that.

   poor life decisions on your part, does not constant an emergancy on my part.

   rejected to be the 5th Ninja Turtle.

   wonders if chickens don't have fingers, why do they still sell them in resturants?

   so easy even a cave man can do her.

   waited long enough with his pants down waiting for Google Earth to take a pictur

   my wife said I need more calcium in my diet.. she then proceeded to knock my teeth down the back of my throat!!!!

   misses the days of jumping on the hose at the gas station to make the bell ring. Full service was the best.

   :What's black and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre...

   asks: It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.

   hasn't had his coffee this morning so don't make me kill you

   wants to remind you that only dead fish go with the flow

   it's not the size of the wave that counts, it's the motion of the ocean

   ...can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

   ...To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

   hopes that after I die, people will say of me: "Man... that guy sure owed me a lot of money."