Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The only problem I have with Halloween is making those stupid skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!

   If there is anything worse than seeing a beautiful woman with a dog picking up dog s*%t ,Its seeing a beautiful woman without a dog picking up dog s%|t

   if facebook was an actual book we could call ourselves intellectuals...

   When it comes to getting things done, we need fewer architects and more bricklayers

   doesn't believe we put a man on the moon.

   you know you're small when your application to be a porn star in China gets rejected

   on my way to Oz on the yellow brick road but overshot it by 150 miles- I was having an argument with myself, I was not asleep, got here OK, hanging with Glenda.

   don't let the mornings get you down, sleep till noon!

   wondering just how exactly do you meet the girls from the single-ladies commercials?! theyre hot!

   typIng 1IkE thI5 w0U1d drIvE mE f*ckIng crAzy!

   The other day Pope Benedict named five new saints to the Catholic Church. Some, however, are questioning whether Obama deserved it.

   If woman are not suppose to cook then why did god naturally put milk and eggs in your body?

   starting to think Brett Favre switched places with mother nature, the weather seems very indecisive lately........

   came from a real tough neighborhood. I once put my hand in some freshly layed cement and felt another hand.

   's girlfriend asked him to lay under the coffee table with the glass top. Wonder what she's gonna do??

   I got along fine before I knew you. I'll get along find after.

   I don't wanna move in for a month. I just wanna buy you a beer.

   murdering your spouse within the first year of marriage can really put a strain on the relationship.

   How to annoy people: Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy".

   ǝǝɹʇ ɐ ɯoɹɟ ƃuıƃuɐɥ sı