Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   somewhat annoyed that finding midgets, painting them green and making them make chocolate is an offence.

   ..is wearing an Arnold Schwartzenegger costume for Halloween..and with a mouthful of candy,she will sound just like him!

   ....hello, fun? It's me... yea...I was wondering if you could stop by for a while. Yea, my friends and I really miss you. See you soon?

   got along fine before I knew you... and I'll be even better after you're a faded memory.

   Keep it up and Santa's going to stick a candy caine where the sun don't shine.3 hours ago clear

   Whoever said laughter is the best medicine never had gonorrhea

   Found my halloween costume and I'm  trying it out by walking through the intensive care unit dressed as the grim reaper 

   officially rocks!! In your face paper and scissors......you got nothing on me. Not a damn thing!*narrow eyes* especially you paper!! yeah!*shifty eyes*

   facing facts; his only hope is the lottery.

   ..bets living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

   Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings.

   watching "Up". Just so you know, his thing for the next two weeks or so will be suddently interrupting his sentences by shouting "Squirrel!" and staring off into the distance.

   really thinks Myspace is a female...So many mood swings and changes.

   Woke up this morning, looked down and one of my toes was missing, There was a note stuck to my foot that said 'Gone To Market'

   notices that ever since they invented Viagra; I never get called to 'stand=in' for John Holmes anymore....

   can't find Sesame Street on his/her GPS, Do you know how to get to Sesame Street?

   Facebook = just giving people another way to air out dirty laundry online. 1,000,000 satisfied customers daily. : )

   wishes the Live Feed and News Feed would make up and get back together.

   is wondering if a man is standing in the middle of the forrest and there is no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?

   says if you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space