Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   n't it amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're leaving?

   Have no fear of perfection–you'll never reach it.

   It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, or vacuum cleaner.

   very temperamental - 50% temper and 50% mental.

   Why does Walmart make their prices on food so cheap then charge an extra 2 bucks for extended sizes? I guess they are getting their money one way or another!

   : Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

   : One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

   ..wonders why is there a man in the bottom corner of her TV playing charades?

   GREAT! Only 7 more days left of viewing pictures of kids dressed as beggars!

   yay! ive got mail! yay! do you got mail?! ive got mail! yay!

   Live like a kindergartener, you dont have to have the coolest clothes or hottest girlfriend you just have to have the biggest box of crayons

   Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

   wondering why no matter how hard you pinch the skin on your elbow, it doesnt hurt. I know your trying it now arent you?

   You know times are tough when you go trick or treating and a guy is handing out his resume

   OK Apparntely it's "Illeagal" to cover yourself with blue body paint and put on a pair of smiley face boxers and walk around Walmart claiming to be a giant bag on Halloween!

   8 beers have been taken by parents in my annual Trick or Beer giveaway. The walking parents are thirsty, and appreciative, tonight!

   if you are 17, and still dressing up and coming to my house for Halloween, you sure as hell better say "Trick or Treat" and "Thank You" like the little kids do.

   loves the Snooze button on his alarm clock because there is nothing like starting out your day with a little procrastination

   wonders if the person that keeps using the N word realizes its not color orientated. Sounds like he could be one himself!

   forgot to pick up candy so it looks like I'll be passing out old VHS tapes, colored socks, #2 pencils, some paper clips, and a pack of tighty wities.