Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   performing random acts of kindness today to totally mess with people

   Forget a dislike button, I'd rather have a 'This makes me want to punch you in the back of the head' button. Especially between now and tomorrow when 96% of you will have the exact same status. New Moon is out or reminding me it's Friday.

   Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency

   An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her

   can finally watch the tv in the afternoon now. Oprah show is going off the air.

   hacked into Santa's computer,cleared the naughty list out..and has changed "coal" under Present List to "PS3""Wii" and "iphone".

   sales of gillete razors gone dwn, I bet you thierry henry's had a hand in that

   Hey guys. Everybody. let's all give Santa a break this year.......Be naughty.

   ok,,, I am that person that pulls the door that says push and wonders what's going on*/*

   Christmas shopping for dangerous toys. For kids I don't like.

   Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues to see it hang its little head and watch me tie my shoes.

   12/20/2012 Doomsday Party. mark your mayan calendar!

   the funniest person on Facebook hands down like 6:30!

   Hey. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

   thinks mummys are extinct bc they always wrap it up!

   Hukd on Fonics werked for me!

   As long as there are tests,there will always be public prayers in schools.

   Change is inevitable,except from vending machines.

   Thinks that Miss Universes Sex Tape was the Answer to World Peace.

   "Dear Santa, seeing you cant define naughty, is it possible you could overlook september for me"?