Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Norton Shores, Michigan - a teenage girl had her neck bit by the young man sitting in front of her during a screening of the new Twilight movie. So caught up, he committed to being a vampire. Don't even ask what happened when he saw Brokeback Mountain

   I love a Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

   HOLIDAY SHOPPING TIP #1: When the lines at the supermarket are out the door. Say loudly "Ill take the next customer on register #_ _"Then make your way to the nearest "Real" open register.

   May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump, may your potatoes and gravy have a nary lump. May your yams be delicious, And your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs! HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL..........

   I beat up a Ninja once...True story.

   loves animals... especially in gravy

   I celebrate Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invite everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we have an enormous feast, and then I kill them and take their land.

   So stick that in your juice box & suck it!!

   Hangovers: the wrath of grapes.

   filthy,stinking rich. Well,two out of three ain't bad.

   Happy Thanksgivings...Screw the turkey, I want to stuff my woman...

   May contain nuts.

   Thanksgiving is the one day each year day families get together…and remind themselves why they only get together once a year.

   the only time love comes before sex is in the dictionary.

   has just read his wife's magazines and there seems to be two topics of major importance to women: .1) Why men are such disgusting pigs and .2) How to attract a man!

   to be a roadie,, get on the roads not on a stupid tv show!!!

   thinks mother nature is bi-polar and is off her meds!!

   Sex,Drugs & Sausage Rolls.

   On this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for family and friends and the fact I don't have to wear Depends. I'm thankful for hard alcohol and seeing friends at the Mall, But most of all I'm thankful for turkey and stuffin' and SWEET, SWEET HOT LOVIN'!!!!

   trying to think of ways to coax the gerbil out. Shoulda known they could chew through a sock