Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I used to have super powers, but my psychiatrist took them away

   I love cooking with wine. Sometimes,i'll even put it in my food.

   I just paid $200 to join the National Believers in Reincarnation Club. It cost alot but oh well,you only live once.

   just two away from a threesome last night...

   word is that Tigers sponsors are not going to drop him. Who would with the slogans "Just do it " and "Is it in you?"

   Why does a blonde have TGIF written on thier shoes? Toes Go In First.

   99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

   maybe Tiger Woods' relationship status should say "it's really complicated"

   Chasing a FAT MAN in red with salad, Oh It's SANTA

   OK I Just Don't Get The Firefly Song ...You would not believe your eyes-If ten million fireflies-Lit up the world as I fell asleep-'Cause they'd fill the open air-And leave teardrops everywhere-You'd think me rude-But I would just stand and stare

   Let's start a post that will be positive . . . . What is on your Christmas wish list?? (in the real world, of course we'd all like more money, etc....)

   remember no one can ever make you feel inferior without your consent....never consent!

   ....MMmmm Santa, I'm so naughty I'll turn your HO HO HO into OH OH OH!!

   We don't need new applications, We don't need no ad control, Some light sarcasm in my update, Hey! Facebook! Leave us kids alone! All in all it's just another post on my wall.

   learned that the best gift of chirstmas is seeing the disappointment in a childs face when you tell them santa isn't real.

   Channel X Is Temporarily Not In Service. Please Tune In To Your Own Life For Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast.

   didn't come to be loved, he came to be hated. From the root to the fruit.

   : eanie, meanie, minie, moe, caught a Tiger with his ho.

   he was once know as Tiger, now he will be known as Cheetah..u play & you pay, new prenup with a swingers clause since Tiger will never be satisfied with a hole in one....

   my goal is to stop drinking, smoking and swearing, holy#$#% my cigarette just fell into my wine. gotta go