Funny Status Messages

   I put on my favorite winter jacket for the first time the other day, and as soon as I put my hands in those pockets, I was immediately reminded that last year I didn't have any money, either.

   OK...Iraq sells oil $128 a barrel to us...Yet Iraq buys grain at $7 a bushel from us. Hmmm, solution...Sell grain at $128 a bushel. Can't buy it? Tough! Eat your oil... I'll bet ya the price of oil comes down real quick....

   My 2010 New Year's resolution is to NOT interrupt Taylor Swift if she is making an acceptance speech at a music awards ceremony.

   The mailman comes in any weather, because his bag is made of leather.

   hinks it's quite possible that I will be as unproductive today as I was yesterday ..

   My wife just asked me "would you say I'm a selfish person?" My answer - "well, not to your face..."

   Friends come and Friends go... Enemies accumulate

   wants you to know that if a jelly fish ever stung you, i'd pee on you!

   Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

   Got a new car for my spouse it was a great trade!

   If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

   curiosity didn't kill the cat ....... my car did!

   Don't you worry your pretty stripped head we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And they we're gonna find our bestfriend Doug and then we're gonna give him a bestfriend hug.

   According to the EPA, lead particles in the air in Los Angeles cause 6,000 deaths a year. We call them "bullets."

   found the woman of his dreams, and as soon as the restraining order is lifted....he'll have her panties to prove it.

   heading out to tease the birds in the park and feed breadcrumbs at his/her self

   wants a "people you may find attractive and would hook up with" section on facebook. it'd make things so much easier.

   now has the plans for his deck and about to go get the lumber! Does anyone know where I can pick up some illegal aliens to come build it?

   says, I love work. I can sit and watch it all day.

   ...thinks the "vamps" in Twilight and New Moon look like a cross between The Cure & NSYNC..ooohh..such shiny white fangs too!