Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   goin to say on judgement day....he made me do it!!!!

   We own Texas" - Wildcat Nation

   Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far far far away from here...

   I googled my name, and the first thing that came up was the wikipedia definition for smatass. Google knows me sooo well.

   sometimes I wake up Grumpy but I generally just let her sleep!

   just because he knows he's better looking than you doesn't make him arrogant, just part of the majority

   asks if FedEx and UPS were to merge, would the new company be called FedUp?

   When times are Tough, you know who your Real Friends are. When times are Easy...you know who your Drinking Friends are!

   Be worried , God knows what you have been doing!

   I survived Y2K, Bird Flu, Mad Cow, 9/11 and Swine Flu. 2012, Here I Come!

   O.B.A.M.A. (One Big Asz Mistake, America),

   "Eating habits? You wanna know my eating habits? Well everytime I have to take a sh!t it's an emergency, hows that?"

   quotes, "Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?" ~ Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

   just because he knows he's smarter than you doesn't make him arrogant, just part of the majority

   Love is a game in which one always cheats.

   My brother is in the Army. He invented the Standard Issue Kevlar Condom......It protects soldiers in the bush.

   ..crossword puzzles always remind her of her arguments with her exes. One word leads to another...

   disappointed in his new phone. It promised more bars in more places but all I see are the same old bars and the same old drunks.

   Warning: May contain traces of nuts,may cause drowsiness, some assembly required, but not tested on animals.

   was like whoa this must be a dream........POKE ME!!!!!!