Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   - Oh Facebook, you go through more Design Changes than I go through Women.

   Confucius he say, man who sit on tall toilet is high on pot...

   Why did some make a 'Piñata Endangerment Awareness' group on facebook??

   Friends teach you what you WANT to know. Enemies teach you what you NEED to know.

   I don't fail. I succeed at finding what doesn't work.

   There's a one-in six-billion chance that you'll find your soulmate. And that's if they're not dead

   Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.

   No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.

   Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

   Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember

   Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control.

   Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader

   living in my own little world, but its ok they know me here...

   Confucius say: Man who go to sleep with sexual problem, wake up with solution in hand....

   the world's oldest ww1 veteran just turned 108 today...he recently finished his fourth tour in Afghanistan.

   Fake people are just as bad as fake breasts.....Only reason they exist is to make one feel better about themselves

   You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

   Why am I so mean? My heart was made of chocolate so I ate it. Now I have no heart and no chocolate! Wouldn't that make you mean??

   To bring attention to testicular cancer week, I am telling you my boxer briefs are black.

   don't think you're on the right road just because it is a well beaten path