Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "The greatest ironies of life: having the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out that you love someone after that person walks out of your sight ...."

   Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license...

   OMG another wardrobe malfunction at the Super Bowl! Did anyone else see Pete Townsend's belly????

   ..oh dear. Some special ed class somewhere is missing a student..

   ..lost £50 on the Super Bowl. That's the last time I bet on a horse.

   you better keep yo' hands off my Momma and keep yo' hands off my Dorito's.

   thinking about building a house made of unopened Bud Light cans and bottles....[The commercial inspired me]

   anything is possible with boobs

   Great..now the lamest sports slogan ever WHO DAT will never die..

   What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the super bowl?....Dallas Cowboys

   trying to get a grip on reality, but the gravity of the situation hit me like a falling brick. It broke my hold, so now I can't get back. I guess I'm stuck in this fantasy world for a while.

   TCP/IP, UDP, the seven layers of the OSI Model, encapsulation, decapsulation, data, packets, frames, bits, subnets, routers, switches, RIP, Gateways, and many other things have stolen my sanity this evening, and I don't even care.

   Thought the commercial showing the president as a chicken (or was it a c@ck) was pretty funny

   Would like to thank all you Colt fans for talking so much Sh!t it makes winning so much better!

   Gary Busey kicked @ss during his halftime performance.....

   Hey Facebook, thanks for updating the style of your page for the 15th time ... I am really amazed that I get a different segment of the news feed everytime I refresh also. Great job! /endSarcasm

   God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they ate all my oreos and were always peeing on my toilet seat.

   - In my effort to be considered a "normal person", I shall now close my eyes, create fictional scenario's in my head and lay still for atleast 8 hours.

   Many Jägerbombs = (Good Times + Memory Loss) / (Loss of Balance - Contents of Stomach * Hangover^115)

   What jackass put up the saints and field goal posts comment??? The Saints scored the most points in the NFL this year. Very smart fan!!