Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are Chris Hanson.

   Roses are red, Violets are blue, and so are my.......whatever you imagine, thats up to you!

   The best way to get back on your feet, is to miss a car payment.

   just because your school can get 100,000 fans before another doesn't make it better... only thing it says is grads from your school have more free time. maybe because the other school's grads are at work while you're at home stalking people on facebook.

   Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?..............Neither did I. I was just asking.

   An unemployed clown is nobody's fool.

   I did not celebrate Valentines Day but instead chose to celebrate the Chinese New Year... and its the year of the Tiger and my god what a year it has been for the man!!

   So its ok to have a movie called "White Men Can't Jump" but its wrong to make a movie called "Black Man Can't Swim" SOCIETY SUCKS!!!!!!

   If I break up with you Why say I wont find anyone else like you If I wanted someone like you I wouldnt Break up with you

   Happy Chinese New year!! It is the year of the Tiger. I can think of one Tiger who isn't having a good year.

   applied for a job at Hooter's today. The manager handed me a bra and said, "Here, fill this out."

   To the people I forgot, you weren`t on my mind for some reason and you probably don`t deserve any thanks anyway.

   Sign in Bar: "Low-cut blouses are looked down upon in this establishment."

   I didn't know NASCAR contracted IDOT to patch the racetracks! I knew the quality of that patch looked familiar

   Valentine's Day ends tomorrow..so dont forget to wake me up!!!

   England: The country where Pizza gets to your house quicker than the Police

   - Of course, the great thing about tomorrow is that all of those heart shaped Russell Stover's and Whitman's sampler boxes will be 50% off.

   CONFUCIUS SAYS: "Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house." hehehe!!!!!!

   It's mind over matter. I don't mind because you don't matter.

   What I want, I get. If I didn't get it, then maybe I didn't really want it.