Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes you think a thought and just when you think that thought was not worth thinking then you think about it and after have thought the thought over will never think it again.

   -- I lost my watch earlier, I would have looked for it but I just didn't have the time......

   ☂ *~Everyone wants to be happy , Nobody wants to be in pain... But you can't have a rainbow without any rain~* ☂

   keeps a fake journal claiming I've done monumental stuff, so if I ever develop amnesia, I'm gonna think I'm freakin' AWESOME!

   my son Xander (5) got in trouble and sent to his room. He comes out a few minutes later and tried to bribe me into letting him out by give me a $1 bill. A lesser man would have succombed I tell you.....

   Don't call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious."

   Some people think that I assume the world revolves around me, which of course is total nonsense. The world revolves around the sun, which shines out of my a$$.

   seems to have replaced Sex with Food. Now I can't even get in my own pants.

   if drinking and driving is illegal, then why the hell do bars have a parking lot?

   disappointed that no matter how many times he bangs his head, he doesn't see any cartoon birds.

   discovered today that playing dead only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, and NOT at important business meetings.

   If you ever want to see a man cry... Put a beer in one hand and a naked woman in the other... And... MAKE HIM CHOOSE!

   At the beginning of any relationship, every girl treats her boyfriend as "GOD." ... 'Later on somehow the alphabets get reversed!!!

   "Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools."

   sweating like a cat at a Chinese restaurant.

   Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There's apparently more traffic going to hell!!!

   feeling as sprightly today as Jim Morrison... or anyone else who has been dead for 30 years.

   wonders... do subliminal (send) messages (me) really (money) work?

   doesn't believe in superstition. It brings bad luck.

   Your friendship means so much to me that... When you cry...I cry. When you laugh... I laugh. When you jump out a window... I laugh some more.