Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

   Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   looking for a cute little bunny with a nice set of eggs

   volunteering at the nursing home today, she's hiding false teeth instead of Easter eggs for the Easter hunt.

   If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it's either a new woman - or a new car. ....

   Who says women don't like simple, cheap things..we like guys don't we?

   Some things are really better left unsaid!

   If you hear your past calling, change your phone number...;-):-P

   If you keep God inside your heart, there's nothing that will come into your life that you won't be able to handle. God is enough!

   "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'"

   the military is the best at creating oxymorons...i.e. "friendly fire" or "military intelligence".

   The Biggest Lie Ever: "i Have Read & Agree 2 Di Terms Of Use."

   "Don't Regret Anything U've Done Bcuz' At One Point In Ur Life It Was Exactly what you Wanted 2 Do."

   more excited than a baby in a titty bar....!

   just heard that LITTLE TWIT Justin Bieber say "yo dawg" during an interview.. WTF !! When is his 15min gonna be up?

   Working on the art of the classic "Farmer Blow" technique. Figure I can save a lot of money on tissues with allergy season here.

   Political speeches are like bull horns. A point here. A point there. And a lot of bull in between.

   There are no winners when you're arguing to someone about Politics.

   You know those couples where the wife is 40 something and looks like 20 something, and the husband makes over 100k and the teenagers are respectful and good looking and they go out to eat together on Friday nights as a family? I HATE those people!