Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Write all complaints legibly in this space -> []

   If you assign numerical values to each letter of the alphabet, in order, (A=1 and Z=26) you will find that hard work gives you 98%, but bullsh!t gives you 103%. Math does not lie.

   What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

   "If you're good at something, never do it for free" ~ The Joker (The Dark Knight)

   hates it when you go down to get a midnight snack and get excited to find some treasure in the fridge, only to have your hopes and dreams dashed by the treasure being so far past it's expiration date that only Ashton Kutcher would be interested...

   Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

   God was the greatest inventor of all time. He took a rib from Adam and made a loudspeaker

   Random thought of the day: If someone threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey, would you be stoned off your ass?

   Two wrongs don't make a right, but two rights make a hate group.

   marriage is a natural defense mechanism designed to help us overcome our fear of death.

   touche volcano insurance salesman touche

   Where to find free beer and naked women. What? Crap! This isnt Google!

   A braille porn magazine has been launched ths week - complete with explicit raised text and pictures. At least this is one time where looking at porn won't make you go blind.

   there anybody else alive out there!?.. is that a No? If no one answers then I'm just gonna assume that's a "No" and that I can walk the street to a local gas station at 2:00 AM completley naked..."

   come to the conclusion that you don't BUY beer....you just rent it.

   When I am king, you will be first against the wall, With your opinion which is of no consequence at all.

   Let me solve this whole airline/volcano crisis.... first - load the planes. second - fly the freakin plane around the ash cloud! no problem!

   The Little Chocoltiers, The Little Couple, Little People Big World...... TLC is changing its name to The Little Channel!

   If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration,i wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

   A Tip Having anything Like XXYoUnGmOn3y666xx As your Name equals Fail