Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Eyjafjallajoekull Volcano. You must be eyjafjallajoking!

   They say there's a sucker born every minute but I'd be more curious to find out at what rate swallowers are born.

   Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I'm asking for only one.

   420 is the day we celebrate marijuana. 421 is the day employers celebrate random drug testing.

   Why do you have to put "your two cents in..." but its only "a penny for your thoughts"? Where is that extra penny going to???

   became a fan of I wish I had never googled lemonparty.org

   Has not been hitting a lot of homeruns here lately but is swinging a big bat..

   If we're not supposed to have late night snacks.. why is there a light in the fridge?

   I think the best thing about the Internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort.

   Dear birds: Our patio is NOT your personal poop depository! Please use the cars with Obama bumper stickers instead. Thank you. -Management-

   thinks that some drug manufacturer's should rethingk their marketing. "We can cure your asthma but this product may cause asthma related death." Really? I think I will live with the asthma...

   ugh! my new facebook homepage looks like a mug shot photo album now!

   It's 420. I don't even smoke weed...That's my credit score...

   now that the last wish from Icelands deceased economy was: Spread the ash out over Europe.

   I was riding a donkey today when somone threw a rock that knocked me off. I was stoned off my ass.

   handing out "damns" because so many people say I give them.

   n't it a coincidence that KFC came out with the Double Down Chicken Sandwich just days before 4/20? Come on, a stoner def came up with that! Two pieces of fried chicken, bacon, and cheese. Def stoner food.

   Loves the smell of burning rubber, but I probably should have told her the condom broke

   Stop Being Mean To Justin Bieber, She Has Feelings Too

   What kind of name is Eyjafjallajokull why not Martin or George.