Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I got some Dr. Scholl's shoe cushions. I don't think a Doctorate Degree is needed to come up with shoe cushions. I would have bought them from a Mr. Scholl.

   So...why does Dairy Queen feel the need to turn my Blizzard upside down after all these years? I get it. You can stop doing it now.

   Schifoso cat bastidz.

   My mother-in-law asked me to get her something to drink with her name on it. So I got her a Monster. And that's how the fight started!

   I had corn flakes for dinner.

   No, there is no indication that the current Kentucky Governor, Andy Beshear, has removed or gotten rid of tornado sirens. In fact, Kentucky emergency officials emphasize that sirens are a vital part of the warning system, particularly for those outside in

   Q. What do men want in a woman? A. XX chromosomes.

   Meteorologists said Kentucky offices were staffed and issuing alerts ahead of the severe weather in Pulaski and Laurel counties. Gov. Beshear confirmed that in a news conference on Saturday.

   He's never won against a man. Lolllllll

   I'm still glad kamala lost.

   He won Kentucky by 26 points then immediately disabled their tornado warning systems, leading to 18 deaths. Hahahahaha. As someone who doesn't live there, in that country I mean, I find news like this very, very entertaining and funny 😂

   He won Kentucky by 26 points then immediately disabled their tornado warning systems, leading to 18 deaths. Hahahahaha. As someone who doesn't live there, in that country I mean, I finally news like this very, very entertaining and funny 😂

   My name is Gary Koenig and I'm the king of lame comedy!!!

   It took me 2 seconds, Yoda.

   I have a pervert for a Dentist.....I mentioned to him that "I'd rather get pregnant than have a tooth filled !" My Dentist replied, "Decide now so I can adjust the chair accordingly

   Ooh Yoda! And did it really take you all day to come up with that insult?

   The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe.

   With 2-in-1 Shampoo and Conditioner, how does the shampoo know to go first?

   Yoda: You're going to need more than just a glass of water to wash away all your ignorance. In fact, you're going to need a whole ocean to wash away the crap you're so full of.

   Coors Light is like making love in a canoe. It's f--k-ng close to water.