Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't let life get in the way of your dreams... go back to sleep!

   thinks Apple needs a device that emits warning signals that a loser is approaching...call it the iPutz.

   LOGOUT: The hardest button to click on Facebook.

   Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”

   just informed that her Birth Certificate has expired.

   OPThinks BP should try dumping a few million copies of "The Audacity of Hope" on top of that leak in the gulf and see if that works.

   Wondering if film directors wake up screaming"CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares?

   and that ladies and gentlemen is why I have never and will never like the Israeli government.

   Ladies when it comes to Men if you dont do anything that affects their 5 senses then they'l never feel what you are trying to express......

   Hi, I'm Israel and I'm fxckd up. US, get your priorities straight. Killing sailors on an aid flotilla has pushed the limits of Israel's crimes against humanity.

   LOVE is one night stand..........TRUE LOVE is one night stand with same person lifelong..:)

   what does Relationship Status "ITS COMPLICATED" really means...Does it mean a Single man with Broken Hand or a Married person not getting any sex and hand broken too.?...Somebody please EXPLAIN

   A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

   Lights off, Music on, Phone in silent mode, tired body and calm mind; Perfect recipe for good night sleep.

   .i. love \i/

   If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of it

   Since I'm now single, if I broke my hand could I put "it's complicated" as my relationship status?

   Regreting is only a waste of time. if something happened,accept that it happened and there is nothing that can be done to change it.just be happy that it is not yet the end of the world.

   I wish, with a passion, that I could find the strength to give you one more chance.

   In Light Of BP's Recent Accident They Are Offering Everyone Free Oil. You Just Have To Come Pick It Up At Any Location In The Gulf Coast..