Funny Status Messages
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My next car is a Bentley*. [* conditions apply] 
pouring a little liquor out for 2 Pacs birthday today...in my mouth.
I will take "Reasons for not wanting to work today" for $200 Alex
can't seem to finish anything that he sta
has poor taste in clothing... I've seen wounds dressed better than me.
men go to the bars to get laid and women go there to tease
I love all of the sexual harassment jokes that everyone says at sexual harassment training.
The way my luck runs, if I were hanging on to the side of a cliff for dear life, the person reaching down to pull me up would be a leper.
It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.
I heard that the teen years are a time of rapid changes. I agree, but not exactly what I was expecting; since my daughter has turned 13 I have aged 20 years.
Precision. Concentration. Patience & Fearlessness. 4 skills I possess whilst shavin my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life!
am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens
Before an argument with your wife/girlfriend, they should read you your Miranda rights........because whatever you say WILL be used against you.
The word tsunami is not in my phones predictive text dictionary. So if you get a text from me saying, thumang!! Get the off the beach.
wishing he lived life like Cyde & Ely Shoelace on youtube!!!
Do you ever think that Kermit looked at Mrs. Piggy and said, gee.... I sure would like me some bacon.
takes the "THE" out of psychotherapist...
Maybe Adam should have spent more than just a rib......Just saying...
honestly......who bends over to pick a nickel up off the ground anymore.....
The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami 