Funny Status Messages

   Stop laughing at Ziggy. He obviously has a medical condition.

   If Death hands you lemons, just eat them. Peels and all. It really doesn't matter at that point.

   OMG !!! This Jail Cell gets free Wi-Fi !!!

   wears boxers so my ..... can breathe

   Making mirrors look good, since 1979

   That girl is such a drunk. Every time I'm at a bar she's there.

   Sometimes I regret surgically removing my feet and replacing them with wheels... But not today!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

   Whatever doesn't kill me makes me all like, "Whoa! That was close!"

   Just left the bar. Did you guys know you can leave while you're still able to walk?!

   I have a great sense of humor... --If you don't believe me, look at my Ex!

   Society is never going to make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other.

   I don't think I'll ever reach the age where I'm old enough to know better.

   The point is not everyone is gonna be a millionaire.If you're happy, you're successful.

   I sometimes pee in the shower, and my girlfriend says that's only ok if I'm actually taking a shower.

   Today I say a girl riding her bike, I thought to myself what is she doing shouldn't she be in the kitchen?

   The best stuff on earth and I just got better

   Happy 8-9-10 day, now make this day count. (little number humor. haha)

   Look up the word "idiot" in the dictionary and you know what you'll find? The definition of idiot, you idiot.

   I asked my friend how his date went, insisted I sniff his fingers... worse part is , he's gay...

   Apparently each year, more people get killed by donkeys than in aeroplane crashes.So to summarize, if you ever see a donkey on an aeroplane, you're in f*cking trouble.