Funny Status Messages

   Scientists have been investigating how snails know how to find their way home. WTF? It's on their backs.

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

   My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded

   When I found out my new toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked

   August 4th 1969....Yeah, not a day that America needed! Or what ever country he was REALLY born in..

   at the circus watching a guy shoot out of a cannon. I thought, "Half of me wants to do that sometime.". Then I thought, "Half of me already did do that the day I was conceived!"

   wished parents would stop posting pics of their kids every day on facebook. We know how ugly your kid is with out the constant reminder.

   I'm one click of the mouse away from taking over the world. HA, HA, HA......

   real men don`t wear pink , it ain`t big and it ain`t clever.

   When you have a cat....you never poop alone.

   I can't believe it, just when I moved to a nice neighbourhood away from all the theft and gun crime, they've gone and invented the houses that were too close.

   so far its been one of those weeks where the middle finger can answer any question!!!

   do you ever look at someone and think 'out of 10,000,000 sperm YOU were the fastest?'

   bought a new car and named it "Curiosity". The cats down my road have had it now!

   In positive news, 6,694,254,041 people completely unaffected by the Pakistan floods.

   ...and buying sushi from 7-11 wasn't even the worst I made decision today

   There is only one woman who has truly changed me. It was my mother and I was a baby.

   If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

   how mad will you be when you find out all the herbs and spices in kfc is just salt

   do not ever think a Mach 3 razor is an appropriate to tool to get rid of nose hairs.......