Funny Status Messages
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BBC News: "Ice Cream Company Launches Breast Milk Flavoured Ice Cream". I wonder if they will be doing raspberry nipple. 
I'd like you more if facebook didn't update me on all your stupid thoughts……I said to myself….
just realized how valuable photoshop can be...when you need to pin something on your boss...like a donkey…for blackmail…
Kudos on the shaved balls, but try longer gym shorts next time….
believes there are two great rules in life: 1.) Never tell everything at once.
Dose the show glee remind anyone of the Mickey Mouse clubhouse?
People eat at Mcdonalds because they either.(A) love it but don't know how bad it is for you (B) Love it but they don't care that it's bad for you (C).Don't really like it but eat it because they desperatly need to clean out thier colon.
Oh, I'm sorry....I didn't realize you were giving me a dirty look, I thought you were that ugly all of the time.
sometimes I stare at a woman and wonder, "what would it take to stub her camel toe..."
Why do fat people wear so much perfume, it hides body odor, not fat.
When a spambot tells you to click a link to take an IQ test, that IS the IQ test.
This weekend I will be drinking in Dog Beers, that way it doesn't sound like I am such a lush.
I was up all night wondering why I have insomnia when it dawn on me.
If it takes you more than an hour to answer a text message I will assume that you're dead.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it's just a diagnosis.
They said we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash.
not to self: dont respond "Im snipt" when she asks if you have a condom
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with you keeping your hands off of my body.
That's the last time I go there for breakfast, nothing ruins an appetite faster than a waitress that has so much facial hair she looks like Chewbacca's sister, eggs anyone???? I also cant help but wonder what this lady's shower drain looks like :/
just sent a text message to a random number saying "Im Pregnant" 