Funny Status Messages

   Today's drink: The Quarantini. It's a regular martini, but you drink it alone in your house.

   Ladies, if you're over 50, you may wanna rethink the cowboy hat. It's terrifying.

   I’m gonna tell you something right now, tis not the time to have allergies.

   Lori Loughlin is wondering how the Coronavirus got into Princeton and her kid didn’t.

   I saw those Italy videos of people singing in Italy so I started singing to my neighbor and one lady told me to shut the *&^% up

   Yeah, no, sorry. Not gonna do "My Corona." - Weird Al Yankovic

   Ran out of T.P. and discovered Pledge furniture wipes. Now my pants won't stay up.

   I've decided that throughout this Coronavirus ordeal; especially to those at home practicing Social Distancing, the term "calories" regarding all foods shall now be referred to as "Boredom Alleviation Points."

   We all need to join together and practice social distancing.

   If this really turns out to be the end of days there are a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses that I owe an apology to.

   2020 must-have downloaded something from Limewire!!!

   Flights so low I got Bible study in Jerusalem tomorrow

   China 🇨🇳 Just Released The Name Of The Person Who Had The First Coronavirus.. Ah Chu

   I'm a magician. An overweight magician. My most famous trick is putting on a Speedo and having it disappear instantly.

   A priest rabbi and a nun walk into a ...Nevermind. Bars closed.

   Yeah, losing St. Patrick's Day was sad. But damn, it was truck month.

   St Patrick's Day resulted in the least DUI's ever.

   The reason stores are running out of toilet paper is because when one person sneezes the other 100 poop themselves. ‬

   I started homeschooling today. So far two students are suspended and the teacher was fired for drinking on the job...

   I’m really liking this social distancing rule. Can we make this law?