Funny Status Messages

   Two new ice cream flavors. Chocolate Chip Happens, and Stay The Fudge Home

   The only change in my life is tha I'm consuming more food than before because nothings here to stop me

   Good news. Jesus has risen. Bad news. He will need to be quarantined for 14 days

   * Well it's April and it didn't miraculously go away like he said it would.

   In these trying days of isolation please remember Deodorant is not Optional.

   If only he took the Coronavirus as serious as he did with windmill cancer.

   His haters would rather see people die than ever let him have a victory or give him any credit.

   Distancing from people & not going out. Drinking too much coffee in the morning. Eating and smoking too much all day. Watching too much tv. Drinking too much at night. Then the pandemic struck.

   Shout out to all my homebodies.

   Having some states lockdown, and some states not lockdown is like having a peeing section in the pool.

   Can't believe it's only been a month we've been self quarantining is it feels more like I've been doing it since like 1979

   I've been single for so long someone asked me who I was with. I said AT&T.

   It started with a Bat. Then toilet paper. Now we are going nuts in quarantine. We really have gone Bat $#!t Crazy!

   Below is a great example of Limey humor and why it's relegated to only PBS stations here in the states.

   I’m papering walls in the loo, And quite frankly I haven’t a clue. For the pattern’s all wrong, Or the paper’s too long, And I’m stuck to the toilet with glue.

   Married people be like: [Quarantine, day 10] It’s been 89 days since I last had sex

   Narrator: The Blue Ringed Octopus while cute, is not recommended for the home aquarist. No larger than a golf ball, it contains enough venom to kill 26 humans. Handling one would result in certain death. Me: I need one

   Around a third (42%) of parenting is pretending you understand your child’s homework

   Watched my neighbor pull off this morning with his coffee on top of his car. I could have warned him, but I’m out of stuff to watch.

   I’m amazed at how frequently scientists use memes to publish the results of their studies.