Funny Status Messages

   the crows and the ducks are having a turf war in my backyard it’s like the squawkiest version of west side story ever

   Social distancing requires a good supply of air horns.

   There is no such thing as a stupid question except maybe "Isn't it really about time you IRS guys audited my return?"

   If you take the 'I' out of 'Illness' and replace it with 'We', then you get 'Wellness'

   Canada doesn't allow polygamy ,so I got me a wife with Multiple personalities .

   If you are throwing a football, a baseball or kicking a soccer ball in a park, you need to be more than six feet apart. If you aren't, you're in big trouble because you really suck at your sport.

   If a fart can go through underwear and a pair of jeans, how can a mask made of cloth save you from Covid? Asking for a friend...

   I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger

   Hey I got a novel idea, if it takes 14 days Coronavirus to start showing symptoms how about we all stay at home for 14 days!

   With all this quarantining the earth is cleaning up! Let's keep it that way. Remember, the earth isn't Uranus!

   I really hope the post office finds my $200 package from eBay & that someone didn’t actually steal it off my porch.

   The law doesn't allow polygamy ,so I got me a wife with Multiple personalities .

   The 11th Commandment:...Thou shalt not covid thy neighbor

   Pro Tip: Add some chicken bones and bay leaves to canned soup and everyone will think you made it.

   Pro Tip: If you don’t have a mask, wearing a jock strap on your face tends to keep people at least 6 feet away from you.

   Walmart is asking customers to wear masks. Good luck with that. They can't even get them to wear pants...

   I see Netflix is already making documentaries about the Coronavirus. Like jeez thanks Netflix just what I want to watch!

   My laundry detergent was swept out to sea by a fast moving current. R.I.P. Tide

   The man should always walk next to the curb with the woman walking next to the building. That way, if someone shoves a piano out of a 6th story window, she's the one who gets it.

   I need to social distance myself from my refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.