Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
I wish we could all just get along. Unless you don't like the same music as me; then you can eat sh!t & die in a fire. 
Does this couch I'm laying on make me look unmotivated?
Thank goodness no one can see what I have open on my other tabs while on Facebook. All I have to do is make sure I don't accidently hit like.
My heart has a combination lock on it,figure out the code and you can have whats inside <3
I noticed the car in front of me had a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus." So I honked at him and he waved...next time wave with all ALL your fingers!!
so sick of double standards. If a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys, she's a "ho"...but if a guy does the same thing, he's "gay".
needs some comfort food.. Oh wait! I ate it already.. :-/
i can sound like a broken record,i can sound like a broken record, I can sound like a broken record,i can sound like a broken record...
in a land of chimpanzees I was a monkey
apparently I celebrated International Beer Day Eve a little to much last night
McDonald's is planning to open a restaurant every day in China for the next four years. It's nice — When kids get their Happy Meal toy, they're like, 'Cool! I made this.'
I'm no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one
Never date a girl whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are.. she believes it
Just once when the trainer asks one of the background people in the workout video how he's doing, I want him to respond: "I'm exhausted - you're a fu*king lunatic"
When my therapist said I needed supervision, I thought I was getting a super power
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Maybe the economy wouldn't seem so bad if we put happier pictures on money. Like George Washington on a jetski.
takes wine in a box to a whole different level
The grass IS greener on the other side, but the gardener does not always show up.
Does anyone else find F5 to be a very refreshing button to press? 