Funny Status Messages
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Marc Anthony: "Let it rain over me!" R. Kelly: "Are you sure?" 
no those jeans don't make your a55 look big...it's your a55 that make those jeans look small.
If you plugged your nose and your mouth while you sneezed, would it come out of your ears or would your head explode?
Volunteering in times of crisis is good. I just called the local strip club to call me immediately if they lose power. I'm ready to help out.
Camping. Camping? Listen up Mr. and Mrs.Field and Stream...My idea of roughing it is a Motel 6 with no cable.
The best way to make somebody remember you is,borrow money from them..
Never trust a skinny chef
pull out the umbrella... somebody just rained on my parade
I Rock, Therefore I Am. I'm Stoned, Therefore I Have the Munchies.
I just made a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico, Thanks Irene
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
5 reasons hurricanes are like Christmas...5) Family & friends out-of state-calling you 4) Last minute shopping in crowded stores 3) Days off from work 2) Candles 1) And at some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!
Beauty without virtue is like a rose without scent.
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. --Vonnegut
Why is it that a woman can get a tattoo of a naked fairy sitting on a half moon and its sexy, but when a guy gets a naked wizard making love to a dragon its creepy?
Turns out, no matter how many Oreos you can fit into your mouth at one time, this doesn't need to come up in a job interview.
A surprise party is a great way to show your woman how awesome you are at lying to her face
Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that's their own fault.
Like for Ron Paul 2012 Dislike For Obama 2012 