Funny Status Messages

   I have learnt so much from my mistakes, I am thinking of making a few more.

   Just once I'd like to see a realistic tampon commercial where the actress is sitting in bed crying with a half eaten snickers in her mouth!

   You can almost pass a lie detector test if you answer every question with "go fish."

   Today looks like a good day to do all the nothing I have planned.

   My 300 lb. sister got a belly ring. I peeked at the receipt, it was from U-Haul. She got a hitch.

   I didn't sleep very well last night. everybody's going to get a shamwow and pajama jeans for christmas. damn you infomercials!!!!

   Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex! Now that I have your full attention, its weekend for god's sake, log off and go out there and enjoy your life dammit!

   She's not a ‘stop-along-the-way' She's my destination.

   Please stand on your head now. Hurry. 370HSSV 0773H

   Some people are so strange. If you've seen a posted joke before... don't comment, just ignore it and move on.

   The first time I saw my ex in a thong I had to pay a cover charge....to see that same thong on her today, I would have to pay a surgeon!!

   got arrested last night...apparently pushing a hot wheel down the highway at 3 a.m. is frowned upon

   wondering what would have happened if we quit posting on page 2012...

   If anyone hears a loud wailing noises don't worry , it's just me paying my bills .

   Live everyday like it's your last because one day you'll be right!

   I'm not trying to be perfect, I'm trying to be better than I was the day before.

   The worst sight in the world is...SEEING YOUR MOTHER CRY.

   mad the only time people like stufff is if it's BAD... :\

   Chill bro, I don't want your girlfriend...actually, no one wants your girlfriend, that's why she's with you.

   Farts are the screams of trapped poo.