Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women plank on my bed every night.

   If a girl says, "I've never done this before" add that time to 20 more times to see what you dealing with.

   Maybe if these Wall Street protesters had put as much effort into making something out of themselves as they do protesting. They would be working on Wall Street.

   Facebook stalking should be classified as a hobby

   I like you because you leave a "Thank you" note and a sandwich on the dresser after our 1 night stand.

   I'm like your virginity, Once i'm gone, you ain't getting me back.

   it me or usually when a man cheats, he downgrades to an uglier woman, but when a woman cheats, she usually upgrades to a hotter and richer man.

   MAN RULE 105: Real men don't blow bubbles with bubble gum.

   I got 99 problems and they are all female.

   Men have the choice of loving women or understanding them. Neither will afford you any peace of mind.

   I heard you, I only said "Huh?" to buy myself time to make sure I answer your question correctly.

   If they give you a bib when eating lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food

   Poking on Facebook is a way of saying, "I think you are cute and I like you BUT I am a coward"

   Looks like someone lost his girlfriend to a Mexican.

   Can still get a TKO on Glass Joe in the first round.

   roses are red unicorns are pencil this poem makes no sense, toaster

   under demonic possession until tomorrow when I tell her it's just not working out. .  

   Unlucky people are those who break their nose even when they fall backwards.

   When sh!t goes down and lines are drawn and sides are taken, that's when you find out who was real and who was faking.

   A woman said : "Men are like pennies: two-faced and worthless" I say : "women are like anything that can be bought by those pennies"