Funny Status Messages
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If you guys were at a bar right now I'd burst through the door & say "Drinks are on me!" Then I'd go to the bathroom & climb out the window. 
Now that Black Friday is over, wonder if Mexican Saturday means things are free??
When my life flashes before my eyes, I hope it's not the special extended edition with all the deleted scenes I've blocked from my memory.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
So lets be clear ...we have the McRib, Kim Kardashian is single and the NBA is back? Black Guys are winning.........
now that the NBA is back in action, it gives black guys a chance to dribble on something other than Lisa Lampanelli
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh!t a better argument then that!!
ever notice how a newborn is like a pothead..."whoa, look at my hand...it has fingers"
I tried acting like a responsible adult at work all day yesterday but they sent me home sick
I just told a women she had an Hour Glass shape and I wanted to play in the sand.. Still single.....:(
Telling someone that you're going to bed, When you're actually not, and then having to hold back from posting things on Facebook/Twitter.
I bought myself a shiny new toy that goes from zero to 215 in just three seconds......L.E.D bathroom scales! ツ
If a wheelchair athlete used WD-40, would it be considered a performance enhancing substance?
You know what's more disturbing than the tears of a clown? That would be the semen of a clown.
I went to go get some buffalo wings from KFC and they were completely sold out! I'm not surprised. After all, it is black Friday.
You'd think bringing sexy back would be hard work but all I had to so was wake up and get outta bed....
The only good Black Friday is the one with Chris Tucker and Ice Cube!!
Oh snap if gas gets below $3 a gallon looks like I can start dating girls out side my city limits....Whoop Whoop
I failed.Again.Like any normal loser would.
wish they had black friday deals for college tuitions tho.. 