Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's every man's desire to have their butt kicked by a woman. I am living proof of that.

   When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.

   TikTok this. Good riddance.

   Tried using AI to create art. Now I have a picture of a horse with three legs and a coffee addiction. Modern tech is amazing!

   Marked safe from the U.S. banning TikTok. Meanwhile, Canadians are over here wondering if we should just adopt your TikTok refugees

   2024 Recap Fatigue: “Another ‘Top 10 TikTok Trends of 2024’ list just dropped. Spoiler: We’re all tired of them. Except that one trend… you know the one.

   Taylor Swift on the News Again: “Breaking: Taylor Swift announces New Year’s resolution to release 12 albums in 2025. Swifties are now legally required to take out Taylor-themed mortgages.

   Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

   Beginning Monday, all you queerdos can go back in the closet.

   SpaceX’s Starship rocket launched from Texas yesterday, women not familiar with spaceflight can relate. After liftoff it had lots of thrust, got up really fast! Then exploded minutes later.

   There's no reason to tailgate me when I'm already doing 70 in a 35 zone. And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.

   Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena

   who decided to call it a “paternity test” instead of a “pop quiz?”

   Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a very bad idea.

   Just go, Brandon!

   Welcome to Facebook. Please be patient - someone will disagree with you shortly.

   Based on my life choices so far, my guardian angel lied on their resume.

   Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that..

   You'll hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign two miles ago like I did.

   I've decided my 2025 will start on February 1st. January is a free trial month.